Staying in one spot for a week is restful. I have time to do things. I continue to practice meditation daily and concentrate my energies on the here and now and letting go. I paint my water drawings and watch them disappear. I let them go. I’m catching up on my reading and enjoying some quiet time.

The compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation has plagued me for years. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. However, the past gives me my identity and the future holds the promise of fulfillment. So it’s hard to change that.

It has been said that you cannot find yourself by going into the past. You find yourself by coming into the Present... the Now. You can always cope with the present moment but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - you cannot cope with the future.

But I have a goal. My goal is to walk along the Razor’s Edge of Now. I’m an edge dweller. I would rather be on the edge during this learning experience. I’m comfortable there. I do want my life’s journey to be an adventure not just an obsessive need to "arrive." Sometimes it seems that I’m always trying to get somewhere other than where I am. I want to really see and smell the flowers by the wayside and be aware of the beauty that surrounds me in the Now but it’s not that easy.

The enlightened person’s main focus of attention is always the Now. You cannot be free in the future. You can only be free in the Now. Now is the Narrow Gate that leads to life. So how can I do that?

Studying the complexities of the mind may make me a good therapist, but doing so won’t take me beyond the mind, just as the study of madness isn’t enough to create sanity.

I must change my Mind Patterns (insanity- which only creates suffering) and give attention to the present, letting go of the past, and not think of the future.

I’m trying.

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